Peace....
This word has been on my mind all day.
I don't usually share anything personal about myself on this page - not because I don't want you to know anything about me, but I thought I might let you know a bit about my journey.
Up until about 5 or 6 years ago, I didn't really think about health at all. I did here and there, and watched what I ate every so often, but I was naturally tall and thin, so it was no concern to me. Something I always took for granted.
In 2005 I had my beautiful daughter, and then in 2006 I had my handsome son. I had gained a bit of weight during pregnancy (don't we all!), so I decided to put an exercise plan in place. Started unofficially doing Weight Watchers. I was on my way.
That year following (2007) ended up being the hardest year of my life. And that isn't exaggerating. Not even close to exaggerating. I dealt with post-partum depression, and without going into detail, had the hardest year in terms of close relationships I have ever had. Some people quickly exited my life as they had no idea how to deal with me, and some people I very swiftly pushed away. I dove into fitness like it was all I had to hold on to. I ran every single day, exercised multiple times a day, and ate perfectly in terms of the Weight Watchers.
And I lost weight. Fast.
I am 5'9'' and if I remember right, I got to 127lbs. (this is actually considered 'underweight' on the BMI scale)
I look at pictures of myself then and I can't believe how skinny I look.
And all I can see is sadness on my face. Even the smiles for pictures look fake.
I exercised so that I could gain love.
I exercised so that I would be accepted.
I exercised to get my mind off everything else around me.
And this wasn't healthy.
I ended up going to counselling - at first not really wanting to, but after I came to the conclusion that yes, I had post-partum, and yes, I was pushing everyone away, I knew I needed it. I went on post-partum medication, continued to go to counselling, and starting adding people back into my life.
Anyone who knows me in real life knows that I had a child after that in 2009 (finishing off my lil family of 3 kiddos) and obviously gained weight back during my pregnancy. But with a new mindset, this was okay. And a good place to start in terms of losing it the right way.
I am by no means perfect - I don't pretend to be - but I now understand the value of balance. Sometimes I can't get to the gym because of family or other responsibilities, but I keep at it.
And I now understand the value of peace.
Being at peace with yourself. Not to say that I don't want to improve myself - mind, body and soul - but loving myself and moving forward. Accepting that I will make mistakes along the way, but forgiving myself. Always moving forward.
Being at peace with my life circumstances. Even when life isn't exactly how I would like it to be, just accepting and working on making it better. And not shutting people out. Sometimes I wonder how my life could have been blessed back then if I hadn't shut people out....
I guess I just wanted to share a bit about myself.
And show you that everyone has a journey.
And to show you that you can find strength to get through any situation. You know you can.
And to show you that there is value in friendships and love around you. Accept it and it may be the one thing you can cling to when life gets rough.
I wish for you today peace and love.
And strength for your journey in life.
One of the biggest reasons that people stray from their fitness/health goals is that life gets in the way.
My thought for you though is that there will always be something, either big or small, that will be in the way.
You can do this. I promise.
No matter what's going on,
You're stronger than you think.